work and being yourself

I’ve been through a fairly busy time at my day job, and one specific request has made me think about work and being myself.  That’s one of themes of my( soon-to-be) ebook. “Wanted;Passionate Hero (Experience Preferred)”   

An short excert (I can’t spell this morning!) will show what I mean.  The premise is: a woman, Marcy, summons a childhood cowboy hero, Trey Gallant, to show her what  it means to be hero in her own life. There’s also a  villain    Grimley St. Clair, and Lili, a saloon girl, who  blossoms in Marcy’s  world. This is after they all come into Marcy’s world. Marcy works for the Kootenai Brown personal advertising agency. Marcy has just been asked by a colleague, Harvey about some minutes from a previous meeting that they attended together….

“Minutes from that meeting? I have enough trouble keeping track of what’s going on in the local situation. I can’t imagine keeping track of all of these other meetings. Of course, if I was to place these minutes in order in a properly marked binder…

Suddenly, the front door blows open, and thousands of pieces of paper blow in. I rush out into the front room, trying to put them in a binder that’s appeared in my hand.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Grimley St. Clair, his gun aimed at Trey, who’s now beside me.

I’m about to shout “No!” when Grimley’s attention is diverted to the pieces of paper swirling around at his feet. With a tight smile on his lips, he swoops down, picking up the papers which organize themselves into a neat pile in his hand. Then, with a gleeful sneer, he throws them down onto the floor—a worse mess than ever.

We hear a shot ring out and Trey pulls me down. We hide behind a chair. I see the mess of papers that Grimley left, and see Lili sorting through the papers with little interest. That won’t do. I make a mad dash for them. A bullet whizzes by just above my head. Trey pulls me back, as Lili joins us.

“Take it easy,” he says kindly. “Tell me, what are you afraid of?”

 “I have to earn a living,” I begin uneasily. “ I have to feign some interest in meetings and motions….as if I believe that detached intellectual statements with correct wording have anything to do with why anyone does anything.”

Lili says simply, “Of Course, they don’t.”

I stare at her, as I continue, “Let alone any reality beyond. And I just can’t bring myself to hide that. Not completely. “

“So why bother?” Trey asks.

“If I don’t feign the proper interest—if I’m not interested in all those correctly worded motions—then I’m being disloyal, not the kind of employee they really want. And no division of Kootenai Brown will employ me—not at a living wage.”

Grimley is sitting on the couch now, taking it all in.

“All you have to do is be yourself,” Lili says softly.

“It’s always worked for me,” Trey says.

It’s my turn to put my hand over my face as I hear Grimley crackling, “Yeah…and see how long you survive without a job!” 

 The above, of course, has to do with the bureaucratic nature of the job.I suspect any conventional job has–at least some of–this, as it’s how we organize work in our society.

The  incident that happened to me more recently had more to do with a rushed request that I agreed to, and then felt angry about. I talked to a friend who I respect who suggested that maybe I shouldn’t have agreed to it–as I wasn’t being honest with myself or others by doing so.  That’s hardly–being a hero in my own life. And yet, the request–though rushed–would not be seen as an unreasonable, given my profession. And I have managed to get done what needs to be done–in such a way that I feel somewhat relaxed this morning, and… even have the energy to do some blogging…before I complete the main part of the work request  this afternoon.. 

Just some thoughts



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