One of the more creative aspects of the writing I’m doing is that I can process what is going on in my real life by writing about in a way that’s fun and creative. Today a rude awakening about needed work on the car brought up for me finances/ vulnerability/the desire to be “looked after” –all reasons for my protagonist Connie to enter into the fantasy work of her “protector” Xavier. I’m also aware of yet another theme–putting up with things that just aren’t working, out of fear (what alternative is there?); and also in the mistaken hope or belief–that people will appreciate what the sacrifice I’m making.
The truth is that though I was confiscated for the use of my car on the job, the money that I got barely paid for insurance and gas; it didn’t begin to cover repairs, or contribute any thing towards the inevitable cost of car replacement. And that was how things were. And I accepted it, assuming that it was “fair”–at least as everyone else was concerned. Of course if I didn’t think it was fair, acting on my own behalf by bringing it up might have been the adult thing to do…and maybe it’s just another reminder–that things are quite possibly working out for the best re:leaving the job…something that Connie comes to realize, too.<
Another theme that has come up–and it does relate the the realization that I'm likely better off out of here–is a potential conflict over upgrading a sound system. It makes sense to do so; and the two men who put the original sound system see no reason for change. And in their resistance, I can see myself. I'm always surprised at how attached I get to things being as they are. And in this case, I have image of the two men's sense of worth unraveling–as the sound system is unraveled. We all want to believe what we do in important; and when changing conditions suggest that they may not matter any more–what do we do with that? It's bound to happen to all of us. And so I'm not at all certain that blanket disregard of the "casualties" of change is the right thing to do. Maybe what we need to do–is acknowledge that whatever we do–it's in a certain time and place that inevitably changes.That doesn't make it less valuable; it's just the reality of being human.
Interestingly enough, the above is more the theme of my first novella “WANTED:PASSIONATE HERO” where the 1960’s cowboy hero has to face the reality of change when he enters the protagonist Marcy’s world. And I may revisit it again…one of the joys of writing.
Just some thoughts
Lots has been going on lately; and though I did some work on my second novella earlier this week, when I sat down to do some writing this morning– I found myself preoccupied with other things. Not surprising I guess…although I do like to see my writing as being intimately connected with my life, as a way of creatively exploring in depth the issues that I experience day to day. And I have a lot to explore just now… with being let go from my job and being told–in part– that the other people were “too nice” to tell me how it wasn’t working out for them. I realize that I’m “nice”, too…Just as in my second novella, the character Connie is so “nice” to her fantasy hero Xavier that she doesn’t tell him what she really thinks…until it’s just too much and she lets him have it.
Ironically in my job situation, I got a real bonus:the larger organization has granted me a three month paid leave because of how, in the end, it all worked out…. And I have to admit–that I’m more and more grateful for that leave. Right now I’m still working–supposedly on a limited basis–and my experience of this job is that this isn’t a real possibility. There’s just too much happening and I know for myself–I don’t just seem to have it in me to let anything go, especially as things seem to be there as simply being there as part of the job. Now–the question is: is it me? I do get worked up and quite possibly end up expending energy that makes everything much more difficult. On the other hand, I like the idea of actually being “present” with the people I work, and investing myself in the projects I have in front of me And my experience is that these days–there isn’t the time to do things in this way, not with the number things that are there to do. Instead it seems that –the more I do the better;the quality of it–doesn’t matter. Or if it does: I can’t imagine being the kind of person who has the time and energy to be present, and give everything the attention it deserves…especially if I want to have time to sleep, pay my bills, etc….
Sounds like an idea for a story–the creation of the real superman/superwoman–a being who does all the things that come at that her/him efficiently and with heart…24/7…for of course there’s no end to the projects, activities, things that “need” to be done… It’s almost as if we believe that the more we come up to do–maybe the more” bases we have covered”– the safer we will be
I’m not likely to write the story about the creation of the superhuman–though I do like the idea he/she actually breaks down because there is no limit to the number of projects that can be thought up–there’ll always be just one more needed–to make us “safe”…And this whole theme of how we work–and why–is one I feel strongly about; and I can see it coming out in yet another novella. That’s why I’m thinking about a series… using the Kooteani Brown format –with interesting characters in fantasy and real scenarios– to address what for me are some basic questions about life as we live it…
Just some thoughts